YOUNG at heart

Because a list of bird names is only interesting to bird nerds like myself, I’ve revised my Bird List on here to include thumbnails of the birds I’ve photographed categorized by where I first saw them. The categories are Canada, Costa Rica, Cuba, Mexico and USA. Canada and USA are broken down into provinces (BC, Newfoundland, Ontario, and Saskatchewan) and states (just Oregon so far).

So what did I discover doing this? Well, my photographs have come along way from when I first started this. But like I always say – a bad photo is better than no photo. I also realized that I need to update my photos. I know I have better shots of many of these birds now, but will have to go through my pics and find them. Sounds like a good winter project to me.

Anyway, if you’d like to check out the new section of my Bird List, it’s here.

I will be in the following communities this fall doing readings of Dear Me: The Widow Letters. If you know anyone who might be interested, please pass the info along. Thanks.

Wolseley – Oct. 17th, 2:30 pm, St. James United Church

Qu’Appelle – Oct. 17th, 7:00 pm, Qu’Appelle Library

Biggar – Oct. 18th, 7:00 pm, Lionel A. Jones Library

Eston – Oct. 23rd, 3:00 pm, Eston Library

Elrose – Oct. 23rd, 6:30 pm, Elrose District Heritage Society

Wilkie – Oct. 24th, 6:30 pm, Wilkie Library

Beechy – Oct. 25th, 6:30 pm, Beechy Library

Regina Beach – Oct. 27th, 11:00 am, Regina Beach Library

Lanigan – Oct. 29th, 6:30 pm, Lanigan Library

Waldheim – Nov. 22nd, 7:00 pm, Waldheim Library

Duck Lake – Nov. 23rd, 2:00 pm, Duck Lake Regional Interpretive Center

I will also be selling books (Dear Me, as well as my other books) at the following events:

Melfort – Fall Into Winter Trade Fair, Nov. 10th, 10 am-4 pm, Kerry Vickar Centre

Martensville – Shopping Extravaganza, Nov. 24th, 10 am – 3 pm, Martensville Athletic Pavilion

I have a love/hate relationship with fall.

I love it because:

• I love all the colours of the leaves.
• I love the crisp air in the morning.
• I love that routines/activities start up again.

I hate it because:

• I hate all the colours of the leaves. Three weeks from today it will be four years since Bill died. It’s about this time that I feel the sea of my heart begin to churn and know there is a big wave of grief on it’s way. It will crash over me. I will feel like I am drowning. And then, on Oct. 5th by heart sea will again be calm. It’s not the day that’s so bad, it’s the leading up to it. The colours of the leaves remind me that the grief wave is on it’s way.
• I hate the crisp air in the morning. It was a sunny crisp morning when I left the hospital on the morning of Oct. 5 as a widow. I remember it so clearly. I remember where I was parked. I remember opening up the trunk to put the bag of his clothes in it. I remember the smell in the air – that smell of fallen leaves that are starting to rot. Not an unpleasant smell, but now it will always remind me of Bill’s death.
• I hate that routines/activities start up again. The routine I really hate is that in the next weeks the scenes of Bill’s last days play over and over and over in my head like a movie in constant replay. I cry a lot. I feel guilty – for not loving him enough to keep him alive. I know it’s crazy, but it’s what goes through my head. I hate that when something funny happens while I’m out at one of my activities, that Bill’s not here to tell it to when I get home. I miss him so much. My love for him has not decreased in the four years since he died, and never will. I will never “get over” his death. I am and will continue learning to live without him. But it’s extra hard in the fall.

Thanks for listening to my rambling venting. It helps me to write it down rather than have it circling in my head. And don’t worry if you see me and it looks like I’ve been crying. I have, but I will be okay.